[ The blank confusion and polite curiosity are swiftly ushered from his face the more Yuji goes on. The hesitant 'do things' already has a dreadful, dawning realization beginning to form that 'masochism' more or less cinches, but then— ]
Ehh!?
[ A surprised sputter escapes him all the same. Maybe he has no right to be shocked when he does not know them well at all and yet he can't help his reaction. There's a myriad of emotions that flicker across his face in rapid succession going from surprised to mortified to kind of dumbfounded, in which state he murmurs: ]
I— didn't realize they were that close...
[ But his journey after the initial jarring revelation, eventually, has him settling into a stern disapproval. Not only is telling Yuji that inappropriate, it's just rubbing salt in the wound, isn't it? ]
Even so, that's no excuse and there was no need to even allude to anything like that.
I didn’t know either. I don’t know if that’s what they’re really doing or if Choso wanted to make me more mad, but…
[ But he still said it.
Isn’t that enough?
Yuji is still struggling to come to terms with it all, still finding it all hard and too much to deal with, especially in the wake of what happened last month. It’s impossible not to blame himself, and now…. Now he’s here, feeling stuck and stupid and wrong, somehow. ]
[ Whether it's the actual truth behind the trip or not doesn't particularly matter, the intent to be hurtful seems plenty clear in how Yuji tells it. As an older sibling, Yuta feels like he should be able to give some advice here and yet he draws a frustrating blank when he's never even really fought with his little sister (certainly not in any comparable fashion to this); doting older brother that he is. ]
I wish I had the answers for you or that I could at least explain what they might be thinking, but...
[ He doesn't know. It just seems unfathomable and cruel to him after everything that Yuji endured. Not just in the last month but all that precedes it, too, but Yuta might be biased and have more (karmic) insight there than most.
There's a quiet sigh and a shake of his head to dispel the simmering frustration at people who are not currently present. ]
I'm sorry, Yuji. I guess the best thing to do is talk this out when they get back, but you have every right to be upset.
[ It was just disconcerting, and that's why Yuji shut it all down and immediately went to cry about it elsewhere. When he had first heard about Choso and Toji he had been alarmed but as understanding as he could be, but Choso and Nanami...? The guy Yuji sees as one of the most important people in his life, ever? It's hard to rationalise or explain away the immediate, knee-jerk reaction. ]
I don't want to talk to them about it. I don't want to know anything about it, ever.
[ It's - too much!! ]
And I told him not to tell me when he's back, too.
Ah, no, not about— that. [ Like dear god, no. Best not to touch that particular subject (masochism? really?) with a ten foot pole. ] I meant the argument and why you feel the way you do. The only way to really make them understand how important this is to you is to tell them, no?
[ A soft, thoughtful hum. ]
But maybe that will at least give you time until you feel a little more ready to do that.
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Ehh!?
[ A surprised sputter escapes him all the same. Maybe he has no right to be shocked when he does not know them well at all and yet he can't help his reaction. There's a myriad of emotions that flicker across his face in rapid succession going from surprised to mortified to kind of dumbfounded, in which state he murmurs: ]
I— didn't realize they were that close...
[ But his journey after the initial jarring revelation, eventually, has him settling into a stern disapproval. Not only is telling Yuji that inappropriate, it's just rubbing salt in the wound, isn't it? ]
Even so, that's no excuse and there was no need to even allude to anything like that.
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[ But he still said it.
Isn’t that enough?
Yuji is still struggling to come to terms with it all, still finding it all hard and too much to deal with, especially in the wake of what happened last month. It’s impossible not to blame himself, and now…. Now he’s here, feeling stuck and stupid and wrong, somehow. ]
I don’t really know what to do, Yuta.
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I wish I had the answers for you or that I could at least explain what they might be thinking, but...
[ He doesn't know. It just seems unfathomable and cruel to him after everything that Yuji endured. Not just in the last month but all that precedes it, too, but Yuta might be biased and have more (karmic) insight there than most.
There's a quiet sigh and a shake of his head to dispel the simmering frustration at people who are not currently present. ]
I'm sorry, Yuji. I guess the best thing to do is talk this out when they get back, but you have every right to be upset.
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I don't want to talk to them about it. I don't want to know anything about it, ever.
[ It's - too much!! ]
And I told him not to tell me when he's back, too.
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Ah, no, not about— that. [ Like dear god, no. Best not to touch that particular subject (masochism? really?) with a ten foot pole. ] I meant the argument and why you feel the way you do. The only way to really make them understand how important this is to you is to tell them, no?
[ A soft, thoughtful hum. ]
But maybe that will at least give you time until you feel a little more ready to do that.
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[ It seems like just that little bit too much when he already asks enough from him. ]
I'll think about it, I guess.
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But it's a big deal to you, isn't it?
[ Obviously. ]
Wouldn't you want to know if you were in his shoes and someone you cared about was upset like this?
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[ A small shake of his head. ]
I'm a bit more emotional.
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[ Asked point-blank with a tilt of his head and a gentle, firmer nudge of his knee. ]
There's nothing wrong with that. I like that you're so earnest. I'm sure others do, too.
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[ Yuji hums softly. ]
I'll just... Keep trying.
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[ And trying is all they can keep doing while they're still here, alive, anyway. ]
But if there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to let me know.
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[ Yuji smiles softly, relaxing. ]
Thanks, Yuta.
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[ Instant, easy, with a gentle smile to match. ]
Anytime, Yuji.
[ Something he means wholeheartedly. After all, he lives in service of his friends. ]